Love Love Love
by QuietLittleVoices
Summary: But this was it for them; this was as close as they could get. Cas was broken, fallen, and Dean just plain wasn't good enough. He'd fallen, yeah, but he was still good. Still pure. And Dean wasn't worthy of something like that.


**A/N: **I wrote this a really long time ago so I'm not sure what season this takes place in but probably 5 or 8 but it could be 9, really. Loosely based off the song 'Love Love Love' by Of Monsters and Men. Please tell me what you think :)

* * *

The bar was comfortably full. It wasn't necessary to invade personal space to navigate the room, though that did make it marginally easier.

Dean, however, stood with his back to the wall, observing. It was a simple job; they just had to find the vamp they where after and kill her. But finding her had turned out to be harder than any of them had thought, so the three of them stood spread around the bar; her usual hunting ground.

He caught Sam's eye and they gave each other a brief nod, then he turned and met Castiel's impossibly blue eyes and was lost for a moment. All the way across the room, filled with unimportant people, and the fallen angel still managed to give him tunnel vision. Still managed to make him feel warm and need to take a deep, grounding breath.

But this was it for them; this was as close as they could get. Cas was broken, fallen, and Dean just plain wasn't good enough. He'd fallen, yeah, but he was still good. Still pure. And Dean wasn't worthy of something like that.

Glowing blue eyes and burning green meeting across a crowded room was as much as he'd get and he was going to take it. Because no matter how much he wanted it or thought about it, he'd never get to run his fingers through that messy dark hair while soft pink lips mouthed his name against his neck.

And maybe he was a bad person for knowing that Cas loved him, too, and not letting anything happen. Because really, Cas was gonna wake up one day and realize that the washed-out hunter _wasn't_ _good enough_. Would realize something Dean had known his whole life. And he couldn't deal with that. He wouldn't be able to cope if he got what he wanted and then had it taken away, even if it was the next morning or the next year or the next decade. Dean knew, no matter what, he wouldn't be able to live without Cas if he had him, however briefly or however long.

And maybe Dean hadn't told him yet, couldn't after the night they'd spent in each others arms. It wasn't even a sex thing – Dean could deal with sex – just holding each other 'til the morning. But he knew it would be better if they'd both just forget it, forget everything, before it got too ingrained in their minds. Before it became something Dean couldn't live with out because it was a fact that everything good that happened to him was doomed to crash and burn. And it was already reaching out, grabbing his lungs and making it hard to breath when Cas was nearby.

'Cause there was Cas, across the room, unconditional love shining through his eyes so brightly that it _hurt. _This broken angel loved him, and he couldn't; hardly even knew what love was or what to do when you where in it. And they both knew it. But it was so obvious, through it all, that Cas was willing to try. He was willing to give Dean a shot despite the fact that they just plain weren't good for each other, when you got right down to it.

And Dean wasn't. But he was going to be selfish and try and keep Cas as long as he could, though he knew being so close would probably kill them both. He saw the sidelong glances that Sam gave them, knew that his little brother disapproved of their self-destructive pattern, but he couldn't help it.

* * *

Sam crashed right after the hunt, and Dean and Cas were stuck in the tiny motel bathroom cleaning up. They'd been the one's to actually engage the vamp, and they were both covered in blood and having to deal with cuts and bruises.

"I do know what I want, you know," Cas said evenly, voice deep and quiet so as to not wake Sam on the other side of the thin door. "I'm not as much a 'baby in a trenchcoat' as you think I am."

Dean nodded stiffly, trying to scrub blood out of his t-shirt in the sink, putting all his focus into the task. "I know," he grunted.

"And I know what you want," he continued. Dean refused to look up, so he continued. "I just don't know what's holding you back."

The hunter licked his lips and hung his head a little more over the sink. "You. Me. We don't make sense; we don't work."

Rough hands grabbed his shoulders and spun him around, crowding him against the counter as Cas gave him a dark look, moving into his personal space. "Why do you think that? All evidence suggests we would."

Dean swallowed thickly and couldn't help but stare at Cas' mouth. "Theory is one thing. But I know reality and it's a hell of a lot different."

Cas looked at him steadily for a long while before leaning forwards and kissing Dean softly. The hunter closed his eyes and fell into it, but didn't reciprocate. After a moment, Cas pulled away and let Dean go, looking sad.

He nodded once and put his hand on the door to the bathroom, going to push it open. Without looking back, he said, "Keep my offer in mind." And then he was gone, and Dean was alone. As it always was. As it always would be.


End file.
